Rusty Bullets


There is no silver bullet cure for ME. Indeed, there is no silver bullet for managing the condition. Some folk recover, fully or partially; some endure ups and downs but never really get better; and some, sadly, get progressively worse. Why that should be remains a medical mystery.

I’ve read countless stories of recovery. As I’ve mentioned previously, I don’t always find these inspirational although I’m delighted for the people concerned that they have found a path to wellness. Meanwhile, I continue on my own path looking for any old rusty bullets that might do the job of supporting my body in its healing work.

Last week I had my first session of Craniosacral Therapy. This involved a fairly gentle massage of the spine and head. Immediately afterwards I felt delicious, normal tiredness. I also had a flash of insight: after all I’d suffered and endured, researched, studied and learned I was still failing in the basics of looking after myself.

I realised that I remain in striving mode, pushing for improvement, measuring, reviewing and finding myself wanting. I feed my cravings for activity and force my development. Invariably, I give more than I’ve got, pushing at or beyond my limits, often in an air of quiet desperation.

That led me to thinking about the recovery stories. What is it that each have in common? After all, they seem to be so different in narratives, symptoms and variety of drugs, supplements, treatments and lifestyle changes. I think it is this: to stand a chance of recovery you must be disciplined about being kind and gentle with your body, mind and soul.

I liken it to bringing up a baby. Who would feed a baby liquidised burger and chips, allow it to be over-stimulated by flashing images or ask it to walk and talk before it was able? Then scold it for failing to thrive?

Does this sound like the ultimate paradox? To recover, we need to stop striving to achieve it. Instead, be disciplined enough to take proper care of ourselves. For my part, I thought I had been doing just this and the reality came as a bit of a surprise.

So, I’ve paused and am contemplating the way forward. With self-discipline and gentleness.


6 thoughts on “Rusty Bullets

  1. I absolutely agree! Resonating at a healing level is SO important. If we’re stressed and putting too much pressure on ourselves, I feel we get stuck in ‘fight or flight’ mode, where our body can’t cope with any secondary needs, like healing! I feel with ME, often taking a step back leads to taking a step forwards, but it’s SO hard to relax into that state, when we so desperately want to get well! Thanks for this awesome post! 🙂 xxx

    • Thanks so much for your very kind words Chrissy. I couldn’t agree with you more that it’s so hard to step back and relax. I wish you every success in your healing journey. xxxx

  2. Amanda

    Very true, let go and let god as the saying goes. That is exactly why I’m leaving twitter behind me. It too much for me right now, so let you said trying to be kind to my body and give it the mental rest it needs. Xxx

    • I’ll be sorry to lose your company on Twitter but I think I may follow your lead as I’m aware it is a large black energy-sucking pit. Among a few others. You’re an amazing person and so deserve to feel better and soon. Lots of love, Mary xx

  3. Amanda

    Thanks Mary, you are amazing too! I hope you do come off twitter so you can get stronger, will keep in touch here though. Xxxxx

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